We Are the Living Dead.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 09:11:53 GMT

So basically... I can't sleep without alcohol. It's sad. Tomorrow I'm going to go get some sleeping aides.

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 16:24:38 GMT

I'm going to leave this place this weekend, and never return. My parents are going to be disappointed beyond reason, but I just can't stay here. I've been sick to my stomach, for a good while now... and I intoxicate myself to get rid of it and end up worse when I sober up; it's a viscious cycle. I know that if I could bare until it leaves on its own, I'd be better but I'm too easy on myself. I want to die.

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 15:34:21 GMT

I officialy am not going to live by the code "Chicks Before Dicks" ever again. At least I know that the dicks will never screw me over like the chicks do. I've come to terms with it: I'm a female with a male mentality and an asexual personality, therefore I get along with the guys better. I give up on finding my group of girls now that I knnow I'm happiest without the backstabbing and drama.

I will never bite the hand that feeds.

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 06:04:51 GMT

So I'm apparently known as the official easy talking whore of Valdosta... Much thanks to my "friends" whom I've become close to and trusted without question. I thought I was beening a good friend, but obviously my flaws cover up my good deeds. It's okay, I'll get over it; besides they're all drunk right now so 99% of what they say is void.

I feel so worthless and rejected. Who can I trust other than the two guys I've known and never got hurt by? I want to die. All I wanted since middle school was to be accepted into a group of girls. I thought I finally had it... but no. Not even her, who I trusted the most. I can't stop crying like an emo douche. I must have been one fuck up to be treated like this... Even after all I've put up with for them. I hate myself.

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 13:36:55 GMT

I don't think I've ever been this close to death in a while. I'm never touching caffine pills again.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 14:12:11 GMT

First off...

I AM PISSED OFF!!!

Okay, so here's how it went down:

Last night Christina and I went to Rum Runners for the theatre party; I really didn't want to go because the theatre kids scare me, but since Christina has been so awesome to me I decided to tag along. We get there and a couple of kids chill with us, I had a few drinks (enough to get me slightly buzzed) and I basically sit there for the rest of the night while being practically molested. I hated it, and wanted to leave the whole time I was there. When the kid that kept trying to get into my pants left, I asked Christina if she wanted to leave. She said that she'd find another ride and I should go... so I did. Turns out she didn't mean what she said, so I basically screwed her over. I felt like shit the rest of the night until I forced myself to pass out. It was a bad night... I hate males. They screw EVERYTHING up.

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 14:56:09 GMT

So am I the only one that thinks drinking is the most fun a girl can have right before taking off her clothes? Because you know it's going to happen when you're intoxicated =]

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 11:59:22 GMT

It's 3:30AM and there's nothing but a bottle of vodka and my slumbering roommate keeping me awake aside from the unbearable disphoria that has taken over me. I overdosed yet again on my meds, taking 10 pills (200mg) of Prozac which I am only prescribed to take 3 pills (60mg). This should ease my discomfort; after all... Prozac is the new Penicillin. I don't know what to do anymore. I love them both; they are both my friends, yet I cannot be seen with one another. My only reliance is the girl that I have always feared. She is the wall which I lean against while I try to work things out, and without her stability and warmth I will surely not be here by now.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 12:46:40 GMT

The sex
The drugs
and
The complications.

I've been in both of their shoes... HELL, I've been in all three of their shoes and none of them are pleasant in the least bit. The ones that betray are crushed by guilt and the unbearable sight and sound of their beloved bursting into tears; listening to them, unable to speak from confusion and anger, wanting so despiratly to wipe off their faces for them but know that they have no right to. The one who's betrayed feels empty. Hollow. Like there is nothing in the world that is real anymore; the void fluid of nothingness fills the inside of their body, replacing the once animate blood that ran through their veins. They lose all hope in the ones that betrayed them.

Last night, I realized how much I've matured since the days that I willingly put myself in those situations. Some things are better left untouched, and how friendship and trust is much more valuable than any spur of the moment love affair. Watching her bawl her eyes and heart out brought back vivid images of my once dramatic past; while rubbing her back to comfort her, I felt for the first time what my mother must have felt when I was caught up in the same things. A mix of friendly-maturnal love with an infinite understanding of how much she was, and still is, hurting; I wanted to tell her that in the end everything will be ok and that her true friends will always be there for her. Things will happen, and you are not out of the woods quite yet... but Julie, believe it or not, you will one day thank that this has happened. I love you.

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 12:08:29 GMT

Hello world!!! I feel like MURDER!!! I woke up randomly at three in the morning after my shallow 4 hour nap, and I've been trying to fall back asleep since but it seems to have no use. I guess I should just give up and say I'm becoming an alcoholic (or already am) and I need cheap champagne to help me fall asleep. Speaking of cheap champagne, I haven't made out with any Andre bottles in like two days... what is this world coming to?! I NEED MY LOVER ANDRE TO COME HERE AND SHOWER ME IN HIS 9.5% ALCOHOL CONTENT PRESENCE AND MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE AGAIN.

Other than my narcoleptic insomic tendencies, I guess things are ok. I don't have any grades in classes yet, so I don't know what's going to be up. My mind is slowly decaying, and soon I feel like I will no longer be able to think on levels that I was able to in the past. I'm going for the Dean's list this semester, and I probably will have no problems making it just as long as I can make it to my classes for attendence.

It sucks that I can no longer roam the mall like the mall rat that I am, due to a ~~minor~~ sickening factor that almost made me lose my lunch the other day.

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 00:58:47 GMT

So this is how things are right now:

1. I'm sick
2. I'm narcoleptic
3. I'm depressed
4. I'm tired most of the time
5. I'm useless

Things are working out so well for my friends, and I'm happy for them, yet at the same time it makes me feel like a complete failure. I think I need to find my center again so I'll be able to cope with myself. This is getting a little out of hand, and I really need to go see Hutto soon before my meds run out. Ahhh... This makes me sound like a looneybin dweller, but I can't deny that I was sent there six times in the past out of my stupid teenage angst. GAY! But I guess I just have to deal.

So I made this list of people that creep me the fuck out and someday wish to kill. Enjoy.

1. Mike Feces
2. Creepi Chris
3. John Lees
4. Matt Meeks
5. Dominick Bethel
6. Basically every guy in Meeks' group

I must be bored out of my mind. That's what I get for partying too much last weekend.

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 11:00:33 GMT

Basically, I'm losing my mind. I spent the whole weekend intoxicated. Nothing feels real anymore. I think I'm going on that downward spiral again.

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 01:54:22 GMT

Hello. I'm totally in the Reade Cave!!! I'm tispy. Well let me tell you about me week. Yesterday, Adam Skeezeball Turnbull tells me that I have a STD!!! What a bitch!!! Then he futher skeezes on about how I should inform someone else about it! OMFG!!! OMFGGGGGG!!! So today I went to health center and got myself checked out for a good hour, and then got the news that I was infact NOT infected. HECK YES!!! THAT SKEEZEBULL!!!

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 16:00:57 GMT

New Years Eve was a bummer. I held a hotel party that I wasn't allowed to go to due to my parents being weird. I'm looking foward to going back to school. I'm going to miss Lil Ant.

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 21:45:05 GMT

Things I woke up to this morning:

1. A ♥ carved into my hand
2. A heavy cat on my stomach
3. A hang over
4. Grace flipping her shit because she lost her car keys
5. A massive colony of hickies on my neck

The conclusion:

It was a good night.

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 01:55:12 GMT

Last night I got TRASHED. Apparently, after my Besteresetesetesetsest friend drove my car back to my house for me, I stumbled out of the car, fell on the ground about five times, somehow managed to open the garage door and passed out on my mother's bed. I woke up this morning with a headache from the ninth level of hell and I've been kind of queezey all day. My mother had a nice laugh watcing me lag around everywhere and made me go grocery shopping with her to Super H-Mart. I hate FOB Asians.

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 06:50:52 GMT

Ok so it all boils down to

FUCK
LOVE

I'm never going to be happy again. I'm never going to find the right one for me. I'm never going to find my other half. I'm never going to feel complete. I'm never going to see what true love is. I'm never going to fall asleep next to someone I love. I'm never going to wake up next to that person. I'm never going to see the spawn of my own flesh and blood. I'm never going to be able to accept myself. I'm never going to fulfill my need for affection. EVER.

I just want to give up and die, I really don't give half a fuck anymore. At first I just thought I was being emo like always but this time it's way too intense. All I wanted was one perfect love, WAS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK FOR? All I'm ever going to be is a useless side-skank that people use to cheat on their girlfriends. Oh look at Steph, yeah she's cool... let's all fuck her because she's so easy. Then let's be all nice to her when she's around then talk a whole bunch of shit behind her back. YEAH! AND LET'S FUCK HER BEST FRIEND WHILE WE'RE AT IT! Nothing ever changes, ever. No matter what best friend I have, no matter who I hang out with, no matter how close to them I get; the scenario is always the same. Everyone's all the fucking same... and I thought I finally found something sparkle and reached out; fool's gold once again.

This is some how all my fault. I did something to deserve this, and therefore I'm paying the ugly price of something rotten that I've done. Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep, and never wake up again. Sometimes? Pft, All the time.

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 18:51:00 GMT

Baby..did you forget to take your meds?
Baby..did you forget to take your meds?
Baby..did you forget to take your meds?
Baby..did you forget to take your meds?

And the sex and the drugs, and the complications.
And the sex and the drugs, and the complications.
And the sex and the drugs, and the complications.
And the sex and the drugs, and the complications.

OH BOY!!! I ordered the new Placebo CD!!! I just so happened to stumble across their myspace in search of "Every Me and Every You" but instead they had the new one up... AND I FELL IN INSTANT LOVE WITH IT!!! I ♥ English bands.

Sooooo the plan for today is to wait for Jordan to get off of work then go skeeze around in search of something to do. We NEVER have anything good to do... EVER.

I challenged Anthony to a Fasion X Fight, because we're both trendy kids. Everyone in Valdumpster, with an exception of a handful of select few individuals, throws on something that's straight from an American Eagle store and thinks it's okay. NO! That's not being trendy! That's being a walking bilboard!!! It takes skill to throw on something that someone else threw out and still look nice and trendy in it!!! SO SHOVE IT YOU VALDUMPSTER DWELLERS IN ABERCROMBIE DRAG!!!!

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 03:44:11 GMT

BORED. BORED. BORED. Waiting for New Years so I have a reason to get intoxicated beyond reason. Talked to Adam by the means of texts, which made me happy. I think I'm slowly losing it, and I can't tell anyone because they'll try to stop me. Maybe this insanity is my way of coping with the world. If that's it... I think I found my center.

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 04:06:44 GMT

It's over for good. Tomorrow I'm going to go pick up my mice and a few other belongings. My mother's concerned that he might try something like kill me or rape me or something. I think it's kind of stupid, yet sadly I can't say that it's not a possibility. What has this world come to? In the end, obviously, it doesn't matter.

But some things never get better
Like used cars and bad livers.
So you traded her in for a better looking brand.
One with fake porno tits
A pad lock on her lips
Disposable tan
Biodegradable hands.

Tomorrow, Christina and I are going to meet at Little Five Points and hopefully get wasted later on. YAAAAAYYYY!!!

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:44:20 GMT

UPDATE!!! I'm bored... UPDATE!!! I'm still bored. UPDATE!!! I'll continue to be bored until I find someone to go hang out with that I will actually enjoy my time with.

I went to the Claire's at the Forum and got some earings. I have nine holes in my ear (six lobes and three cartilage) but I haven't had anything in them for over a year now. I did most of them myself, and I used to LOVE to put new earings in them and walk around dangling them around like a retard on crack. But one day I realized that I kept loosing my studs and I got tired of changing them out so I stopped wearing them. I'm typing this entry as I'm putting them back in... ALL THE HOLES HAVEN'T CLOSED AT ALL!!! All nine of them!!! What am I? Unable to heal a dingy 3mm hole in my ear even after a year!? Geezus, now I'm scared of taking my lip ring out and it never healing. If it doesn't, I plan to stick a paperclip through the hole to make myself look more professional.

Do you ever go through the contacts list on your phone and find WHO THE HELL ARE YOU numbers? Mine's filled with them. Out of complete boredom, I went through my phone and made tickie marks everytime I saw a number that I didn't recognize. The grand total came out to be 63 numbers. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Either I have a bad memory, or I really need to stop drinking.

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 06:23:28 GMT

IT'S THE RETURN OF THE WHORECROSS NOTORIOUS DUO WITH...
MCR DAY!!!

Coming this Friday (probably will be uploaded on Saturday) to Steph's facebook album.

Jordan as:

Gerard Way

AND

Steph as:

Helena

Sure their music sucks, but you have to admit that they're pretty fucking gorgeous ♥

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 00:13:00 GMT

Ok!!! So today I went to Sally Beauty Supply to get some high bleach, and then I skided my butt to the mall to check out Hot Topic to see if they had a corsett that I can use as my Helena costume. (Jordan and I are getting together for a MCR dress up day on Friday.) Well while i was skeezing around the women's clothes section, I saw this 10 year old kid scoot by without walking movements from above the shelf. It scared the HELL out of me because he just seemed to float by at 5mph in the middle of the store, and I almost ran after him... until I saw that he had one those GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH FUCKING HEELYS. After that, I some how felt stupid and inferior and really really angery... so I bought my corsette and my pink lip rings and i left.

WHO THE HELL COMES UP WITH ROLLING SHOES??? Well obviously it's a hit because I've seen those things so many times that it shouldn't even surprise me anymore. Hell, even my brother owned a pair back in middle school. Anyway, since that stupid idea seemed to be a good stupid idea, I've decided to come on with some of my own to see if any of them would actually become a big seller.

* TALKING SHIRT!!! Just incase you get bored or lonely and no one's picking up their phone because you talk too much to begin with, you can have a conversation with your very own SHIRT!!!

* EATABLE UNDERSHIRT/BRA!!! Just incase you get hungry and there isn't anywhere you can get food!!! It's clean b/c it's only been on YOUR FLESH!!!

* A CAR THAT WHINES IF YOU LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON!!! "Hey.... heeeeeeeeyyyyy you can't leave me like this! I have my lights on! What if my battery dies? I don't want to die yet!!! Hey turn me offf!!!"

* COLORED POTATO CHIPS!!! It's fattening... AND it's colorful!!! FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEAH.

* MAGNETIC CELL PHONE!!! You'll never lose your damn phone again at home if you stick it onto your fridge with all the other shit that you don't want to lose.

* SELF ABORTING POPCORN!!! When it gets too hot, it just gives up and stops popping.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? I'm such a genius!!!

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 06:57:30 GMT

So what are the chances of me getting my shit together just the way I want it to? 0%. I should just give the fuck up. As for Joel... I don't know. I was mildly attracted to him THAT night, but I also had major beer goggles to where I was making out with girls left and right. I honestly don't remember what happened, and when he started talking about it I definitly flipped a mini shit and started feeling REALLY bad. Maybe it was because I felt bad that I thought I could date him and actually have something go on between us... after all I really AM tired of robbing people of their v-cards. Come to think of it, I'm glad that he totally threw the rejection bomb in my face because I probably would be HATING his guts right now if we were to be going out. Thanks Joel, you DID live 4 years more than me, even though you don't look like it.

I don't know. I'm sick of being the bandit. I'm sick of not being able to have someone that I can truely say that I love from teh bottom of my heart. I'm sick of being superficial. I'm sick of being sexually frustrated. I want a pretty boy that's too drunk to talk, but when he's sober he'll do everything to let me know that I'm loved and I'm worthy.

~~The more and more I think about it, the more I miss Case. FUCK.~~

Scratch that. I just myspace stalked him and apparently he found someone new. AWESOME!!!! I'm going back to being a druken whore that's always on painkillers again. BAAHAHAHAHAHA XD

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 13:44:56 GMT

So once again... I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Oh yeah, exciting. I wish my uterus would shrivle up and go away. I hate being a female. FUCK!

I've been rediagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder, awwwww. I hate this... I might as well go die somewhere in a corner.